You do not, as a rule, see studios respond to rumours, reports, and speculation, but a recent Bloomberg report that Sony dropped Physint, Kojima Productions' upcoming stealth game, because it was overbudget and kept missing deadlines must have rankled the studio a little, because it released the statement above yesterday to quell fears.

To quell fears of what? Well, mostly that the relationship between Hideo Kojima and Sony has gotten as bad as the relationship between Hideo Kojima and Konami, his erstwhile employer. Sure, says the studio, they might have split on Physint, but it was amicable. They'll probably even still spend Christmas together.

Meanwhile, Xbox has swooped in for an easy PR win: picking up the cheque for Physint's continued development. All's well that ends well? We'll see.

My God, they've done it. We're finally in the era when videogame movies can actually be good. Not just good for a videogame movie, or "It's good, but here are 50 caveats." It's simply brilliant. And Resi's lovably feckless protagonist Bryan is the primary reason. But before I dive in, I need to warn you about something.

Yep, this is going to be spoiler city. Spoilers for days, folks! Spoilers as big as your head—if your head is exceedingly large. So I'm going to give you ample time to stop scrolling. I am here to protect you.

You must have stopped scrolling by now, right?

OK, this is your last chance to avoid spoilers, folks!

OK, great, I am now free to spoil the heck out of this excellent movie. Hurray!

The best thing filmmaker Zach Cregger did with Resident Evil was leave the heroes in the games. Bryan is not a hero. He's not skilled with firearms like Leon, nor does he have huge, rock-punching arms like Chris. He's just a tired dork trying to complete his last job of the night.

Bryan is not some stand-in for the protagonists we know and love—he is effectively a Resident Evil player, transported into a Resident Evil crisis. He's a more specific kind of everyman, one who reflects Resi fans.

His ear-demolishing screams, his silly mistakes, his complete lack of knowledge about firearms (he has used them in videogames), his cowardice and ineptitude—all of these traits transform Resident Evil from the over-the-top action movies we're normally stuck with into a survival horror romp that you can laugh at.

His cowardice and ineptitude aren't even that noteworthy, in that it's how most of us would react in this situation. He's as cowardly and incompetent as the average Resident Evil player would be if they were thrown into an actual apocalypse. This means his mistakes and near misses aren't frustrating. We're not sitting there thinking, "I could do better". Instead we empathise. I'm not judging you. I'd suck at this too.

That said, he does fuck up a lot. For your convenience, here's a list of his dumb mistakes:

• He lies about having tire chains so he can make a quick buck, inadvertently putting the whole world at risk.
• Instead of focusing on the ice-covered road, he keeps looking at his phone, leading to his first accident.
• He shoots at a t-Virus victim, but instead hits his own vehicle several times, stranding himself in a field.
• He drops a ladder that he needs five seconds later, resulting in a nasty fall.
• He taunts an aggressive dog, which then reveals itself to be a mutant.
• He wastes ammo on a padlock even after realising it can withstand a blast from a shotgun.
• He totals his stolen vehicle seconds after getting it by trying to ram a gate.
• He tries to pick up a mutated child even after he's seen a lot of shit. It ends badly.
• Instead of shooting the gestalt t-Virus mutant, he shoots the ground right next to his feet.
• He fails to load a clip several times, and once he finally does it, he shoots his new gun inside a vehicle.
• He accidentally shoots an Umbrella employee in the leg instead of saving him.
• When he finally, miraculously, makes it to the Raccoon City hospital, he gives up because the lifts don't work.
• Even after being told to use the stairs, his laziness gets the better of him after four flights. He finds a working lift and uses it. Again, it ends badly.

Damn, Bryan, you are bad at this. Cregger said he had to cut out a lot of the humour because test audiences found it too funny, but Resident Evil still left me laughing constantly. Not because it's full of incongruous gags. It's a pure horror movie rather than a comedy-horror romp. But the situations Bryan finds himself in, and the way he keeps fucking up, it's a gas.

Resident Evil is at its best early on, and I know it lost some folk when Bryan started to transform into a badass. He survives a collapsing lift, weaponises an acid-spewing mutant, deftly makes it across a vertigo-inducing chasm, and then he uses his final bullet in the coolest way possible. He becomes an absolute boss.

But I'm convinced this is in keeping with the movie's tone.

This is what it's like to play Resident Evil—at least if you're me. I tend to spend the first couple of hours jumping out of my skin whenever I see a shadow or hear a footstep. I'm a wreck. My shooting is panicked, my screams are frequent, and I spend a great deal of time hiding. But by the end of these games I am able to embody Leon, Chris, Jill, Ethan and all the rest. I am a grizzled survivor pulling off impossible stunts.

Resident Evil doesn't just ask, "How would a Resident Evil player handle a real t-Virus outbreak?" It also attempts to capture the actual experience of playing the games. And it does so incredibly skillfully.

This is why it's the best videogame movie. Even though it features none of the familiar faces and takes plenty of liberties, it ends up feeling more authentic than a movie that's aiming for a 1:1 recreation of Resident Evil 2. It tries something different, and in doing so it ends up being a canny recreation of the Resi experience. And on top of that, it's simply a great horror movie. If you don't care about Resi, it's still going to be a hoot.